OK we are all entitled to our opinions and I don't expect a lot of people to agree with me. But it is my opinion, I am entitled to it & is based on my own personal experience.
I have met one or two married men from this site whose wives didn't know. This was quite a while ago & I would NEVER do it again. This site, for me, has always been about honesty and, put it this way, if you are meeting someone who is willing to commit the ultimate deceit to their nearest & dearest, don't expect them to tell you or those around you the truth!
Someone also mentioned that there is someone out there (the partner) being hurt & I would never wish that on anyone.
Doc, I don't know you at all and this is not a dig at you, but I only have my experience to go on.
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Anyone who reads the second paragraph on my profile will see how upfront and honest I am about the whole thing, that I am lucky to have a consenting partner, and can boast at being honest to all parties concerned. With me, NO ONE gets hurt or betrayed.
In other words, take me as I am.......or not at all. End of story.
Post edited 07-08-2007 20:19
NO NO NO NO NO DOC , you have miss read what i wrote, go back and read it all again lol... what i said right at the begin is what i ment,
I DONT have any prob's with you being here or doing what your doing, Im not saying its something i would do, or even think about playing with a married man, as i have MR MO who im more than happy with, and as most of you know im here for the chat only.
but what im trying or have been trying to say, is you have your reasons for doing what you are and im fine with that..
God im not going to post anything on this bit again its all getting to muddled for me lol...
mwah
Have fun doc xxx
Right time to finish this thread as far as I'm concerned.
You have given me enough feed back to realise I am not doing the right thing so far as most are concerned: but I havn't actually had any meets so have not been cheating.... unless you think just being a member of this site constitutes as much :-?
I have asked for meets but been declined either because those peeps feel as you do or I'm too old or just not what thwy want. In any event I will try to attend socials for what they are - the opportunity to meet people :clap:
If anyone wanted to take things any further it would depend on several things as well: I'm not after a fast shag with any female. There would still have to be that certain chemistry and attraction.
So I have taken on board all your opinions and views: I think it is something I should discuss with my wife and see what transpires. Perhaps she will be understanding, perhaps not.....we will have to see. 8)
Post edited 07-08-2007 22:11
Warming the Bed
I stand by what I said, I personally do not think Doc should be here attempting to be a swinger, he is married and cheating on his partner and that is against the ethics of swingers.
Having said that I go on to repeat, it is my personal feeling and I am a member of this site and nothing more, it is not up to me wether he stays or goes, he alone can make that descision, whilst he and others like him are here I will treat them with respect and always be polite to them.
That's it, I will not patronise him I will not lie, I do not agree with what he does and I don't think cheating has any place in swinging but he has not broken any site rules so I see no reason why he should be banned, I thank him for his honesty so that we and others can make our own minds up as to wether we chose to play with him or not.
When playing with single males we always do what checks we can to see if they are genuinly single or married and cheating, you cannot always be sure but there are ways of catching them out when they are not upfront and honest about it, not everyone is as honest as doc.
And now for another can of worms, here again there are some who will disagree with me and some who will dislike me for my comments, that's a shame because I do not dislike anyone else for having thier own minds and thoughts.
Should non-swingers be allowed on the site, firstly my estimate it that the percentage of non swinging people here is imense, sadly most don't admit it.
I think many of the members here are only here to watch the performers on cam in the chat room, too often the room has so many people in it but you only get spoken to by a few genuine people or if your on cam.
Ask some of the genuine single girls how many times they are let down by single males who arrange meets and then either not turn up or cancel at the last minute, too many people here think it's a game and that meeting isn't to be taken seriously.
Again there are websites for people who only want to watch cam action or perform on cam.
Having said that I don't think there is any reason why you have to be a swinger to be here providing you are honest about not being one, those that are honest do not timewaste arranging meets and cancelling or not turning up and so they do no harm, moreover it is nice that they enjoy our company and do not judge us for what we do.
Non swingers do tend to chat more in the chatroom and keep the room moving and the conversation interesting.
So personally speaking if your joining this site as a none swinger to see what the lifestyle is about, make friends in an honest way, chat to people who are in the lifestyle, good luck to you and welcome.
If on the other hand your on the site to perform on cam or watch people on cam or wind people up or waste thier time then no I don't think you should be here, go to a site for exhibitionists or voyeurs or (and yes there are such sites) for people who like to be insulted.
Hi Kaynie,
I don't think you'll find many people disagreeing with you at all on this point. If I understand you correctly, you say that people who aren't interested in swinging and who don't want to abide by the conventions and "rules" of the swinging community, but who instead want to use this site as a sort of online brothel for a quick, free shag or cheap thrill, shouldn't be allowed on here. I agree entirely, and I think most people on this site would too. However, that would be an ideal world, and we don't live in one.
It's a subtly different argument from the one you seemed to be using initially in the start of this thread, where you seemed to say that Doc and others like him shouldn't be allowed to use this site because that wasn't what you believed swinging was all about. I didn't agree with you then, but perhaps I misunderstood you because you seemed to modify your stance slightly in subsequent posts. On this new point, though, I'm totally with you.
What can we do about it though? Probably nothing. TrueScorpio posted a suggestion on a similar topic ("Vetting the Guys" - 21/07/2007 ), and the general reaction seemed to be that whilst we understood where he was coming from, his premise was just impractical.
One last thing - you seem to target single males for most of your examples of bad swinging practice - [I]"Ask some of the genuine single girls how many times they are let down by single males who arrange meets and then either not turn up or cancel at the last minute"[/I]. That may be statistically true (there are more of us SMs numerically, after all, so I suppose we are more likely to be caught breaking the rules), but there are plenty of cases of single females (and couples, too, I'm sure) letting people down as well. I myself was let down by a single female very recently - there seem to be extenuating circumstances, so I'm going to give her another chance, but it illustrates the point. SMs aren't universally, nor exclusively, the villains!
Suds
Post edited 12-08-2007 21:27
Casanova
Can I just ask one thing?... if it had been a female asking the question originally, would the reaction have been so strong?
The reason I ask is because when i joined, my husband was unsure if it was something he wanted to explore but gave me (fantastic man that he is) permission to join alone as long as I abided by rules we set together. The first few weeks I had been here I was inundated with whispers etc - as I soon came to realise was pretty normal for SF's - yet nobody ever asked or even seemed to care about what my husband thought. At no time did I ever lie about my marital status or even whether my husband had given me his total backing.
I fully respect that everyone has opinions and preferrences that we cannot condone or condemn.. but sometimes I think we 'jump' (for want of a better word lol) on men too much......
Following all of the comments on this topic I decided it would be better to alter my profile. I am very interested in chatting to people, and have no wish to mislead or deceive anybody.
I hope that the topic has proved interesting to many members, even if they have not made any comments. I would like to thank those that did for expressing their views and opinions ; we are all different and that is what makes life interesting. :clap: :clap:
As a simple person, I see the 'married or attached' person very simply....
It's cheating.
If a married or attached person is on here (for whatever reason) and they do not have the partners permission or they choose not to tell the partner for whatever reason....... its cheating.
Also, in the case of many many single men and attached males.... they don't want to swing... they just want sex.
Nothing to do with parties, orgies, 3sums, swapping etc... they just want sex. That is NOT swinging.
I'm an over simplistic old heffer but that's my out look on the situation.
I have a reason for thinking like this..... ONCE and only ONCE did I meet someone and his friend for a 3sum. Both (apparently) single.
One wasn't.... his wife found my mobile number and I was harrassed and stalked for months. I had a knife pulled on me and quite frankly, it stopped me swinging for nearly 2 years. Women (more than men) are totally unpredictable when they find out what their partners have been up to and very rarely listen to the 'other' womans side of the story.
I've also been cheated on and the pain and humiliation it caused me were beyond bearable some days. I would NEVER want to put another woman in that position.
End of story, but for those that do berate me for being so stringent on my meeting criteria..... I've got a good excuse for being cautious.
Talking to people on a web site is hardly cheating as it does not involve any physical contact, however you are entitled to that opinion and I'm sure we all respect that. But please do not judge all men the same; there are also women that are guilty of being on here just for sex and nothing else. .
I am really sorry to hear about your experience, and it just proves that people get DO caught out - with very serious consequences for innocent parties. Your view is understandable and there is certainly no need for you to have to explain your meeting criteria to others.
I did not intend to re-open this forum topic, just draw an end to it and inform people that I had, in fact, changed my profile to reflect my own position.
