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Beowulf1Lioness1
Over 90 days ago
Bi-curious Male, 63
Straight Female, 65
0 miles · Derbyshire
Forum
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
[quote user=biggirluk][color="violet"]
I have recently changed to Firefox cos it is quicker than my buggy version of Microsoft's internet.
[size="18"]Has anyone got any idea why i cannnot copy and paste in the chatroom?[/size]
I really need this for when i whisper the wrong person :dry: or need to name and shame :giggle:
:rose:[/color][/quote]
hmm....ive been using FF for 18 months and never had that problem.......its been that long since i used IE i cant remember how to do it on there
this is from the mozilla help page......but i normally right click>hightlight>left click>copy...then go and right click>paste
[color="red"]Copying Part of a Page
To copy text from a page:
1. Select the text.
2. Select Edit > Copy from the Menu
Bar.
You can paste the text into other programs.[/color]
other than that i dont see why FF2 should stop you from cutting and pasting
:drinkies::drinkies:
:rose:[/quote]
stretched limo with darkened windows?........and a chaufer in one of those caps?
2 dwarves go out clubbing for a night and are lucky enough to get pulled by a pair of stunning girls. They get invited back to their place and with their partners each adjourn to adjoining bedrooms.
Unfortunately the first little chap has problem due to an excess of alchohol and is unable to rise to the occasion. To make matters worse from the next room he hears his mate shouting OK I'm coming 1,2,3 aaaargh. This goes on for most of the night and he thinks his mate must be having the time of his life.
They meet up the next morning and his mate asks how he got on. Terrible the first replies, I couldnt manage to get it up, how about you?
You think that was bad, I couldnt even get on the f*ckin bed.
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it's like for her. "So," says the mom, "now that you have started dating,
what's it like getting intimate with young men?"
"Oh, you know how it is," replies the daughter. "Boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn't working for me."
"How?" asks mom. "Oh, stuff...." says daughter. "Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters," continues mom.
"I don't know," answers the daughter.
"Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me," says mom.
"OK," says the reluctant daughter. "For starters, how do you get their cum out of your hair?"
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a
small cat jumps up on the stool beside him.
The bartender comes over, and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich.
What's yours?"
"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The cat says "I'll have a half beer, but I'm not paying for it."
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be please".
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I'll
have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same," and the cat says
"I'll have a half glass of beer but I'm not paying for it."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.
"The usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.
"Same for me" says the ostrich. "I'll have a small scotch but I'm not
paying for it" says the cat.
"That will be " says the bartender.
Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on
the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp.
When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my
hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."
That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for
as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.
The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the
cat?"
The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight
pussy."
:(:(The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. She replies "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb...Tidy yerself up a bit."
apologies to any of our scottish bretheren :lol2:
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "The Seven Dwarfs", they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack .
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and
Answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome"
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around, and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope .
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment, and then answers, "No Dopey,
there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around, and silences them all with an angry Glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns
in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere In
the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on
the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
