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Beowulf1Lioness1
Over 90 days ago
Bi-curious Male, 63
Straight Female, 65
0 miles · Derbyshire
Forum
If men wrote advice columns
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
:drinkies::drinkies: and i hope the hangovers worth it :giggle::giggle:[quote user=xxxjamiexxx]Well it has to be said sometime, SINGLE GUYS don\\\'t have a clue how to chat to people.
Now thats a big thing for a single guy to say but facts are facts.
Now not all single guys should be put in this box as the most in the chat room are decent stand up guys. Most have pics & cams & not all sit wankin hopin someone with look!
All us guys know how hard it is to get established as a decent guy it takes time & manners & respect, but its well worth it & costs fook all.
You get guys askin for tips on how to get meets off here. its all about RESPECT thats wot some don\\\'t get & until you get it thro ya heads the better it will be for all on here.
Now its not all the single guys fault, some couples on here won\\\'t even say hello to guys even when we say hiya 1st, Just because we say hi don\\\'t mean can i play with ya wife! We are being polite SOME OF US CAN BE THAT!
anyway thats my 2 pence worth....lol jxxxx[/quote]
amen brother :cheers:
interesting thread..........i used to be a single guy on here, now im in a couple so ive seen it from both sides
as a single guy i always showed respect to any body i tried to chat to...always asked if it was ok to whisper first......was always mindful of what and how i said things....i have often given advice to other single guys when theyve asked for it....\'always show respect and be polite\'.....even had to warn a guy off once after a single fem i knew came to asking for help cos he was making her feel very uncomfortable...thing is he just moved on to the next SF (picked the wrong one mind :evil2: .....name and shame!!!lol )
now im a couple ive seen the other side....they always automatically think its Lynn on rather than me, even tho our profile says i type in blue and her in red!, shows how much they read profiles first!.......and ive had some crap whispered to me....get it in to your heads guys, if you aint nice what chance you got?....fraid you are just gonna get 
:flipa::flipa:....oh for the day when the chat room gets \'ignore\' buttons
amazes me how some guys seem to think this place is some kind of meat market or personal live movie theatre.....must be loads of very lonely guys out there cos the thing is, if you are abusive or a general pain in the arse the word soon goes round amongst the regulars....i just feel sorry for the people who are too new and sit on the side until they get the confidence to join in who get this crap....not a very good impression
final words....theres a lot of guys who are complete :wank::wank: who need to learn some manners..........but there are some good guys out there as well
rant over ....normal service has been resumed :happy::happy:
:flipa::flipa:....oh for the day when the chat room gets \'ignore\' buttons
amazes me how some guys seem to think this place is some kind of meat market or personal live movie theatre.....must be loads of very lonely guys out there cos the thing is, if you are abusive or a general pain in the arse the word soon goes round amongst the regulars....i just feel sorry for the people who are too new and sit on the side until they get the confidence to join in who get this crap....not a very good impression
final words....theres a lot of guys who are complete :wank::wank: who need to learn some manners..........but there are some good guys out there as well
rant over ....normal service has been resumed :happy::happy: 
:lol:[quote user=pleasures]
.this is realy starting to get a bit of a joke tbh can someone get these techy probs sorted .[/quote]
dont panic hun.....its only been a few days since the facelift.....it will take the techies a week or more to sort all the bugs out......ive seen sites bigger than this (non-swinging) take months to get it running smooth....just give the guys in the background a chance
Dorothy and Edna, two \\\"senior\\\" widows, are talking.
Dorothy:\" That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.\\\"
Edna: \\\"Well, I\\\'ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me downstairs, and what\\\'s there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMALpletely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me twice!\\\"
Dorothy: \\\"Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn\\\'t go out with him?\\\"
Edna: \\\"No, no, no... I\\\'m just saying, wear an old dress.\\\"
[quote user=venusformars]P.P.S ...mincemeat\\\'s defrosting Beo .....although my rolling of the said sausage will not start until after the new \\\"whisper free\\\" OPTION appears in the .................SP V2 \\\'s new chatroom[/quote]
whisper free?......anyone would think you didnt like talking to me :taz::taz::taz:
ps.....can you do cheese and pineapple on a stick as well as the sausage rolls?
pps.....sorry for whorin\' the thread, admin......venus made me do it :bounce::grin::grin:
