You will love this!!!!

4 Mar 2008

> The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. > The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very > rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine > and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to > relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and > depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. > He had no choice but to go under the knife. > When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first > time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part > of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt > like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new > life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I > need... a new suit." > He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The > elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 > long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the > business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit, it fitted > perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, > "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, > "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16- > 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? > "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit > perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman > asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and > said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, > "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." > The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 > would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give > you one hell of a headache." New suit - $400 New shirt - $36 New > underwear - $6 Second Opinion - PRICELESS Sex in the Dark There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!' The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'

4 Mar 2008

lol! Here's another for ya... I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier......" I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that female dog knows I'm smarter than her..