Q: What's ET short for?
A: Because he's only got little legs
Here's my dontaion to the Poor (Jokes) Box:
A man visits a doctor, concerned about the bright orange colour of his penis. After a check-up, the doctor says to him
"Do you do any strenuous work, or work that involves chemical substances?"
The man says "No doc. In fact, I don't work - I haven't worked for 8 years".
"Do you do any working out or training at all?" asks the doctor.
"Nope - none at all. I hardly ever leave the house" says the man.
The doctor says "Hang on - you tell me you haven't worked for 8 years, and you don't train - in fact, you hardly ever get out! What sort of a life do you have...I mean, what do you do with all this time you have on your hands?"
"Well", said the man, "I stay at home watching porn movies and eating Wotsits....."
Post edited 03-09-2006 18:26
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
"To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight".
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
dining room table:
"My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will
understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18!!!
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow".
Why is an elephant large grey and wrinkled?
Coz if it were small white and smooth it'd be an aspirin!
Why are giraffes neck so long?
a) coz they can't stand the smell of their feet
or b) their heads are so far away from their body!
Why does an elephant have four feet?
BECAUSE IT WOULD LOOK STUPID WITH SIX INCHES!
Why do gorillas paint their balls red?
SO THAT THEY CAN HIDE IN CHERRY TREES
Have you ever seen a gorilla in a cherry tree?
NO? THEN IT SHOWS JUST HOW WELL IT WORKS, DOESN'T IT?
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
GIRAFFES EATING CHERRIES!
Not everyone knows the true story of Tarzan and how he died..........
Poor fellow....he was on a cherry-picking expedition.
how do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?
a) 2 in the front 2 in the back
sorry did some mention silly jokes?? pmsl
Tarzan has lost his loincloth. He's scouring the jungle when he happens upon a huge bull elephant.
The elephant eyes Tarzan up and down and then in a very deep eleephantine voice asks, 'How the fuck do you feed yourself with that?'
Elephant meets mouse in the jungle.
Elephant looks down and says (in a similar voice to the above), 'You're rather small'.
Yes, well', replies mousey, 'I've been ill'
Tarzan was walking through the jungle, when he comes face to face with a lone caucasian female, looking rather lost.
"Me Tarzan!" he says, "What's your name?"
"Jane" replies the female, timidly.
"NO NO NO!" shouts Tarzan. "WHAT'S..WHOLE..NAME?"
"Oh!..." she says, shyly, "...Vagina!"
Q. Whats the difference between elephants and marshmallows?
A. Marshmallows are pink
Well.....you did say poor jokes and me and Ivor know a few, bad idea to put a thread on like this with us around lol
What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep!
Bear asks rabbit, 'When you have a shit, does it stick to your fur?'
'No', replies Mr Bunny, 'why?'
Without a word Mr Bear picks up Mr Rabbit and wipes his arse with him!!!
Q. what's ..black & white ..& red all over .??
A . The cat , I knocked down this a.m.
How do you know when the elephants are at the cinima?
[quote user=dave40t]What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep!
[/quote]
Why do elephants have long trunks?
Because sheep don't have green strings!
ivor! from the big pile of empty popcorn cartons!
What's the difference between a chicken?
One of it's legs are both the same!
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Blue goldfish!
[quote user=girliebob]Q: What's ET short for?
A: Because he's only got little legs[/quote] funny enough thats my hubbys joke 4 me ....wots nik short for she's only got little legs :-?
Whats the definition of thunder??
An elephant farting in a biscuit tin
[quote user=dave40t]ivor! from the big pile of empty popcorn cartons![/quote]
No.....there's a Mini parked outside
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed
A man walks into a pet shop and says "can i buy a wasp" shop keeper replies "we dont sell wasps".......man replies "thats strange, you've got one in the window"
A man walks in to a bar...............OUCH
Man, 'Doctor! What can you give me diarrhoea'
Doctor, 'Ten pence a bucket, now fuck off!'
A poem for the lonely............................Hello
lol
Baby Balloon can't sleep, so he gets in bed with Mummy & Daddy balloon. But, there isn't enough space, so he lets some air out of himself. It's still a bit of a squeeze so he lets some air out of daddy balloon. Still not happy, he lets some air out of his mummy. Ahhhhh, perfect, he drops into a long and peaceful sleep.
In the morning he wakes to find daddy balloon looking angry.
"Son, not only have you let yourself down, but you've let your mother and I down too!"
A bin man is doing his morning rounds loading up the dustbin van when he gets to a house that hasn't put its wheelie bin out. Since he is running a little early, he decides to do a good deed and has a look around to see if they'd left it in the back garden... but he doesn't find them. Being the kind bin man he is, he decides to save the residents a week of having rubbish stinking out their house so he goes up to the door and knocks.
No reply.
He knocks again.
No reply.
He knocks really long and hard... and finally hears footsteps running down the stairs. A little chinese man opens the door wearing only a towel and looking flustered.
Bin man: "Sorry to bother you mate but I'm collecting the rubbish... where's ya bin?"
Chinese man: "I... err... I bin... I been in the bath!"
Bin Man: "No no no - where's ya BIN?"
Chinese man: "I just say! I been in the bath!"
Bin Man: "No mate... listen... Where's... Ya... Wheelie... Bin?"
Chinese Man: "Awaite, awaite, God... I weally been having a w.a.n.k!"
A Scotsman, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Rabbi, a priest and a vicar walk into a bar.
The landlord looks up and says "For fuck's sake, what is this, some kind of joke?"
Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around Tesco when they collide.
The first one says to the second, "Sorry mate, I'm looking for me missus, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going"
The second bloke says, "Ah, no worries, I'm looking for mine too. I can't find her anywhere".
The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?"
The second one says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with blonde hair,blue eyes, big knockers and is wearing short blue shorts and a tank top. What does your wife look like"?
The first one says, "Ah, doesn't matter --- let's look for yours"
Q: What position do ghosts play in football teams?
A: Ghoulkeepers
Q: Why do elephants have wrinkles?
A: Because they hate ironing.
Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A: To see his flat mate.
Q: What sits in a pram and wobbles?
A: A jellybaby.
Q: What do you have to know before you can start training a pet?
A: More than the pet.
Q: How do you stop your dog barking in the back of your car?
A: Put it in the front.
Q: What is black, floats on water and swears?
A: Crude oil.
Q: What do you call the place where sick fairies go?
A: The elf centre.
Q: Did you hear about the Irish jellyfish?
A: It set. 
....ROFLMFAO .. :clap:
wtggggggg ..cat ..XX