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condoms ffs help

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just a quicke lol having never had the need for them much are getting right on me nerves. Im sure im doin something wrong? A few points im struggling with are. When do you put it on, how do you get the feckin thing on, without ya partner falling asleep waiting for ya , and what do you do when you eventually get it on only to find that it aint quite as big as it was before :mad: or even more annoying it goes completely uninterested :-o this is only a few points that i have with condoms if anyone can give me and others im sure any tips they will be friends for life biggrin thanks Dave ps the above in no way affects my keeness and capabilities, my equipment :lol: is all working just fine, just these feckin condom thingys xxxxxxxxxxxxx
i have a discovered a remedy...........very quick.........very easy............dead cheap too...........and you can reuse them too!...........Tesco bags! every little helps... :clap:
Naughty Hottie!! From somewhere on google Any tips for putting condoms on? Firstly, you should put the condom on before there's any contact between the penis and your partner's body. Fluids released from the penis even very early on in sex can cause pregnancy or transmit an STI. So, when the penis is erect, open the condom wrapper. Don't do it with your teeth! This can cause tiny rips in the condom which you might not notice. Unroll the condom a little over the top of the penis - make sure that the roll is on the outside - if it's backwards then the condom won't unroll. If there's any air trapped in the condom, this can cause it to break, so make sure you pinch the end to squeeze any air out. Then just firmly roll the condom down as far as you can. If you want to use any lube, put it on the outside of the condom and make sure it's water-based lubricant, such as KY. Oil based lubricants can weaken the condom and make it break.
thanks for that sarah, but ive read all that on the packet i was lookin for a bit of advice from the horses mouth as to easy , but its not when you have not used them much, i am practising though which is one good thing lol need new partners to help me with the :doggy: Tees gettin tired of helpin :lol: lets have some good tips please no piss takes thanks dave xxxxxxxx
We find what generally works is: Boil the condom in water for about 30 seconds, gently stretch it until you can fit both hands inside it (palms together). Carry on stretching the prophylactic by gently moving your hands apart until the opening fits neatly over your head. Pull it down over your face so the base is just below your nose. Now breath in through your mouth and out through your nose until the condom is sufficiently inflated enough to have a jolly good game of astronaughts!! :moon: Apart from that we're as lost as you guys!! Post edited 07-06-2007 22:29
I'm great at putting condoms on Dave wink wink lol (Its Kel by the way roflmao)
Sorry guys, couldn't resist. Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line... Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better Tesco Condoms - every little helps Nike Condoms - Just do it. Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life. Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk. KFC Condoms - Finger licking good. Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands. Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load. Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough. Coca Cola condoms - The real thing. Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going. Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide FCUK condoms - no comment required. Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain. Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile. Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you. Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long Renault condoms - size really does matter! Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please) Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!! lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
well im gettin no good advice here lol feckin good laugh though thanks, morknmindy is that safe ffs still goin to try it :lol: jnd well pmsl xxxxxxxxxx
mate.....its le clair (male bit) i sympathise and know what you m ean - i hate the bloody things and whince every time too - seems to me that the different sizes and the tight buggers just dont fit me - i go for the elephant jumbo (sometimes called trojan) as they are easier to get on and giv you a bit of breathing space lol - i guess the manufacturers are just looking for joe average with dick average lol - if you are either side of that then you will be in trouble i guess lol :lick:
lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :clap:i love it morknmindy i will try that 1 on ian :lol: :lol: :lol:
ffs has no one got any good advise,you lot are a load of nutters lol well will have to keep tryin :doggy: me brains out :lol:
well all i can say is once you have mastered it lol done the deed :doggy: . PLEASE put it in the bin ,tossing it over next doors fence is so rude lol :lol: :lol:
what, you mean you're not supposed to wash them and hang them out on the washing line b4 re-using them...wondered why the neighbours look at me dispaginly :moon:
still no good advice. i think you lot are too worried about the ladies thinking you are not worth shagin if you have condom problems. :cry: be brave guys and tell me ya secrets, you could be our favourite couple lol
In all seriousness Dave, like yourself I haven't used them for a LONG time, over 20 years to be honest, but to answer the questions 1) For totally safe sex it should go on before entering any orifice 2) To avoid the falling asleep, get your partner, or one of your partners if appropriate, to put it on for you, it keeps them involved and adds to the sensuality and 3) Well 2 tales care of 3 Can't offer too much more as similarly devoid of using them, but hopefully it helps enough to negate the negative effects of using the things. Neil
two on two - advice is no good, i reckon you need a practical demostration, so just holler and i'll come show you! love naomi xxx
holler, holler naomi...you are more than welcome to cum and show me if my suggestions are right or wrong :doggy: :lick: :devil: lol :rainbow: